Eva Mendes is incapable of not mentioning how sexy she is

May 2024 · 3 minute read

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I think we’ve talked about my general dislike of Eva Mendes before (here for her quotes about being worthy enough to play Maria Callas, here for why she’s a bad actress and here for just a general refresher). It’s not that I think she’s fug (she’s not), it’s not that I think she’s the worst actress ever (but she’s not close to being good, either) and it’s not like she’s even one of the most powerfully dumb or famewhorish celebrities out there (she only comes out and says dumb stuff when she‘s promoting a movie).

But I still dislike her, and here’s why – in interview after interview after boring interview, Eva talks about what a hindrance being sexy is, much like Jessica Biel always talks about how beautiful she is, too beautiful, probably to ever win an Oscar, or like Gwyneth Paltrow’s OCD pontifications on diet and exercise. Eva’s conversational tick, her fallback position, is talking about how sexy she is and how much it sucks to be so f-cking sexy. She’s just so dumb and so boring. Oh, and anyone who claims to be all that shouldn’t appear on the Allure cover looking completely wasted, and like you have phantom fangs (it’s a trick of the light on her visible – and gross – tongue).

Eva Mendes dons Dolce & Gabbana for Michael Thompson in his New York City studio for the August 2010 cover spread of Allure, on newsstands July 20. Here are some choice quotes from the 36-year-old actress:

On her public image: “I don’t want ‘sexy’ to be my defining characteristic”

On her school yearbook photos: “One of the benefits of having a big smile and big teeth is that if you just smile you can look happy”

On a double standard existing when it comes to nudity in Hollywood: “[When] other actresses who aren’t thought of, maybe, as being quite as attractive do full-frontal, they’re called brave. Nobody has ever said, ‘Eva, you’re so brave for doing full-frontal nudity.’ Just because I’m attractive doesn’t mean it’s not still scary. Why am I not brave?”

On her sexy image: “I’m definitely responsible for the image that I put out there,” she says. “But it does become frustrating, because I don’t want ‘sexy’ to be my defining characteristic. I’d love for my ambition and will and intellect and sense of humor to define me as well.”

[Excerpts from Just Jared and CoverAwards]

Why is she not brave? Because she gets paid a lot of money to take off her clothes in films, and that seems to be her only “acting” talent? She’s like Megan Fox, only less annoying and less quotable. So, like a really boring version of Megan Fox. Fox used to do the same sh-t in interviews too – talk endlessly about how hot she was. Don’t these women know that they either come across as full of themselves (at best) or as incredibly, mind-numbingly insecure (at worst)?

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Cover courtesy of Just Jared, additional photos courtesy of Allure’s slideshow.

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